Lack of Success and What's Missing
Searching for a job is a taxing experience. Searching for a career position is a full time job in itself. It takes more time away from you, and more energy out of you. It seems like starting in on your chosen career path was part of the master plan for collification here and now. Not having the job you've shaped yourself for these past four or five years seems like it would leave quite a void, and rightly so. My psychology textbook said that human beings have this tendency to define themselves by the things they do, and particularly within western culture, one tends to BE the job they do. To me, this is how your struggle makes sense.

Alls i can says to you is that your virtues are both internal and numerous, remind you that your path is hard, and pledge my support whenever you should have need for it.